Sabotage is defined by deliberately destroying, damaging or preventing something from happening. You may even know why you do it but struggle to stop.
Sometimes you have no idea why it’s happening or don’t even recognise it’s existence. We go round in circles with negative self-talk, sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously. We have no idea why and yet the very fact that we want to understand why keeps us from propelling forwards which is damaging, “ruminatory” and self-sabotaging behaviour.
Many of us may engage in negative self-talk, or “getting in our own way” but constantly being stuck in this zone leads to self-sabotage which will prevent us from achieving our true authenticity and realising our goals. It’s incredible but it keeps us locked in a cycle of thoughts that can be very hard to break free from.
Perhaps a significant event occurs where you realise that either no progress has been made in your career, you’re feeling stuck in a “settled” relationship (that actually feels far from actually settled but is not fulfilling either). You have skills, intelligence and ability but something stops you from taking action or moving forwards. You simply feel STUCK.
And it’s frustrating, isn’t it – you know you are capable but then something stops you ….
I know, I’ve been there. I’ve stayed in less than successful relationships because THEY wanted me and I feared loneliness; I’ve spent more money than I needed to in order to make others or myself happy. I’ve emerged from debt, broken relationships, divorce, unsuccessful jobs where I’ve sabotaged the work (because I felt under appreciated which lead to a self fulfilling prophecy of losing the job or leaving it of my own free well). I justified all of this of course ….. the better things were just around the corner, until I found myself staring in the mirror. I wanted someone else to wave a magic wand and acknowledge me when I had to learn to help myself.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
Common themes in self-sabotaging behaviour can include the following:
- Putting off completing a task and leaving it to the last minute.
- Starting projects, but never quite finishing them. (Business and career people who buy multiple domains with every intention of starting a new, brilliant website but never quite completing it).
- Feeling unmotivated or unable to proceed, even when there are lots of exciting opportunities.
- Seeing so many opportunities but unable to hone in on just one and concentrating on it long enough to complete the task.
- Concern about how people feel or think about you
- Wasting time worrying about things you can do nothing about.
- Fear of failure because you will be “less of a person”
- Fear of success because you may lose friends
- Feel like a “Jack of all trades, master of none” and fearing you’ll never make something of yourself, feeling like a FRAUD.
- Feeling over stressed / anxious whenever you have an important task to deliver.
- Unfulfilled Dreams
- Having dreams of doing something great but never tackling the process.
- Wanting the RIGHT relationship for you but settling with the ALMOST RIGHT because it feels better than being alone.
- Finding it hard to tackle emotive subjects without anger rather than learning effective communication strategies.
- Destroying relationships through unresolved anger, resentment or jealousy.
- Feelings of Worthlessness & Loss of Confidence
- Playing down your own achievements
- Seeing others’ achievements as somehow “better” than yours.
- Allowing others to put you down and accepting uncalled for criticism
- Taking all criticism personally without stepping back and seeing it for what it is
Continually engaging in self-sabotaging behaviour retains the “status quo” and leads to self-fulfilling prophecies and negative self-talk, and the ruminatory spiral of these thoughts help no one, especially you. It can lead to feelings of self-entrapment discouragement… it can keep you playing “SAFE” … BUT…
The Good News is…
you can break free!
The first step is acknowledgement.
I’ll soon be starting a 4-6 week programme on eradicating negative self-talk, self-sabotage and learning to be the best you can be. If you would like to connect with me on the subject or would like to go on the waiting list, please contact me or write a comment below!