36 Questions to Deepen Connection

Discovered recently online in the NY Times and then published in UK newspapers – here are 36 questions designed to help you fall in love, or perhaps deepen your connection with your spouse.  Make the time together and … see how you feel afterwards!

Set I

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
  2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
  3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
  4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
  5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
  6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
  7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
  8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
  9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
  10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
  11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
  12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

  1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
  2. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
  3. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
  4. What do you value most in a friendship?
  5. What is your most treasured memory?
  6. What is your most terrible memory?
  7. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
  8. What does friendship mean to you?
  9. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
  10. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
  11. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
  12. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

  1. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
  2. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
  3. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
  4. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
  5. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
  6. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
  7. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
  8. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
  9. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
  10. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
  11. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
  12. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

 

Now look into your partner’s / acquaintance’s eyes for 2 – 4 minutes (recommended is 4).

Relationship Quizzes

Here are a few quizzes for you to try:

A Fundamental quiz

The Imago Quiz

The Five Love Languages quiz

Below is a quiz purely for you to see where you are in your relationship.  Make a note of the results and if you can see where changes can be made, do them!

Q.1)  I thank my partner for ordinary things (dinner, putting fuel in car, repairs, laundry, etc)
  A  Never
  B  2-3 times per year
  C  Monthly
  D  Weekly or more

 

Q.2)  I express appreciation for my partner’s efforts, even when I would do the task differently.
  A  Never
  B  Rarely and only if it is done right
  C  Regularly
  D  Almost always

 

Q.3)  I tell my spouse/partner positive qualities and behaviours I notice in him or her — whether they appear in our relationship, in relationships with others, or in his or her work.
  A  Never
  B  2-3 times a year
  C  At least monthly
  D  Almost weekly

 

Q.4)  I compliment my spouse or partner on his or her appearance (can be way he or she is dressed, physical features or some aspect of his or her sexuality)
  A  Never
  B  2-3 times a year
  C  Monthly
  D  Almost weekly

 

Q.5)  I express appreciation to my spouse/partner for specific ways he or she contributes to my life, to our relationship, and/or to our family.
  A  Never
  B  2-3 times per year
  C  Monthly
  D  Weekly

 

Q.6)  I express my gratitude or appreciation for my spouse/partner through physical affection (hugs, little kisses, squeezes, caresses, holding hands, other forms of non-sexual touching.)
  A  Never
  B  2-3 times a year
  C  Monthly
  D  Weekly

 

Q.7)  I try to communicate treasuring and appreciation of my spouse/partner through tender, treasuring, sensual or sexual connection.
  A  Never
  B  Rarely, although we do have sex
  C  Monthly
  D  Weekly

 

Q.8)  I try to both tell and show my spouse partner how much I love him or her in a variety of ways.
  A  Never
  B  2-3 times a year
  C  Monthly
  D  Weekly or more

 

Q.9)  I appreciate or compliment my partner/spouse when we are with other people,( and tell him or her when I’ve told someone something great about him/her when not present)
  A  Never
  B  2-3 times a year
  C  Monthly
  D  Almost weekly

 

Q.10)  I comment about or joke about my spouse/partner’s mistakes, shortcomings or flaws when we are with other people.
  A  Never
  B  Maybe once a year
  C  Fairly often
  D  Regularly